HOMESCHOOLING: 20 Things I’m Glad I Did

 

I’m in my 20^th year of homeschooling and on the homestretch of this incredible, daunting, and fantastic journey. There have been days I feel like I am soaring and go to bed full of joy and gratitude and other days have been marked by frustration, tears, and worry-filled sleepless nights. As I reflect, it does my heart good to list things I’m glad I did, and I hope it encourages others as well. Of course, I wish I had known at the time that these decisions were ones I could make and pursue with confidence, but oftentimes I found myself second-guessing and fearful. Hindsight is always 20/20, as the saying goes. Are there things I wish I had done differently? Absolutely. But that is a story for another day. For now, enjoy my hindsight and I pray it is helpful to you on your homeschooling journey.

In no particular order (except #1), I am glad I:

1. PRIORITIZED BIBLE TIME: From the time my oldest child was a toddler, I always made Bible time in the morning with the kids the main priority. When they were young, it was easy because I could teach them all together. The phrase “breakfast and Bible” has been spoken over and over in our home, as this was how I captivated my audience. Don’t think I was running a breakfast buffet to rival one found at Embassy Suites, as our breakfasts were usually frozen waffles, cereal, instant oatmeal, or bagels. The idea was that it was time to start our day with food for our bodies and food for our souls. I tried to keep things short to ensure I could keep their attention. We memorized lots of scripture- many individual verses and some long passages as well. Looking back, I would tell my younger self that “aha” moments, great wonder and awe, and incredible learning during Bible time would not happen every day and maybe not even most days, but not to let that discourage me. Instead, I would tell my younger self to faithfully and consistently keep going. Slowly but surely, I was helping to build spiritual knowledge and an appetite for God in my kids, whether I believed it or not, given that many days felt “clunky” and I often wondered if they were really listening. 

 

2. KEPT THINGS FRESH: Especially when it came to Bible time and the resources I utilized, I am glad I changed it up frequently. I applied this principle to other subjects as well. In fact, I was pretty burnt out in general a few years ago. And then a new unit study-based curriculum caught my eye in a friend’s Facebook post that brought me back to a place of excitement for teaching and learning. I hopped off the wagon I knew and hopped onto this totally different one for a while. It was just what I needed at the time, and my kids and I benefited from this decision. If I’m bored, my kids probably are too, and I won’t teach as well or be as consistent as I should be. If I find a new curriculum that excites me, I prayerfully put it in the running for next year’s curriculum choice.

 

3. WAITED (A LONG TIME) TO JOIN A CO-OP: I am glad we waited to join a homeschool co-op. We finally dived in when my oldest was entering eighth grade (age fourteen) and my youngest was four. Friends had been asking me to join this group for a while, and each year I would politely decline. The idea of getting seven young kids out the door once a week by 7:45 AM, all of us being gone all day, me fulfilling a requirement to teach (and prepare), keeping up with assignments for several of the kids that would be due each week, and my napping-aged kids not getting a nap sounded like a guaranteed recipe for disaster. Were my older kids missing out? Perhaps. But I am the mother of the whole gang and had to figure out what was best for all of us. If I bite off more than I can chew and a commitment makes me frazzled and worn out, I am pretty much asking for chaos. In addition, a beautiful benefit to doing all schoolwork at home is absolute flexibility. No late assignments. No pressure. I could concentrate on raising my kids, feeding my family, and reasonably fitting school in where I could. I believe saying no to co-ops allowed me to run my home better than if I had said yes earlier. It allowed me to keep our priorities well. 

 

4. JOINED A CO-OP: Like I said, we joined a co-op when our oldest was fourteen and the youngest was four. It finally felt like the right time, as I knew I was lacking skills to pick upper middle school and high school level curriculum and to figure out how I was going to teach certain subjects.  Also, my kids were all old enough to do well being gone all day. We found a traditional co-op (where parents are required to teach a class or two and were required to stay onsite all day) that fit our academic, spiritual, and relational needs beautifully. Not to mention, I had seven kids receiving more than a total of thirty classes for a minuscule fee (like $150 total for all seven kids type-of-minuscule). During this season I benefited from getting a break in picking curriculum for my kids, which was always exciting but oftentimes was all-consuming and daunting. My kids were accountable to other teachers for the first time, so keeping up with everything was not all on me. I will say, it made their accountability to me for the few things I needed to supplement at home a little tricky (suddenly, the other teachers carried more weight than mom). Additionally, prior to this, I had taught dance classes for years, but it was here that I learned I LOVED teaching academics in a group setting as well. I have very fond memories of teaching elementary-level literature, history, and an elective course called Scientists and Inventors. Having my own kids in class was a highlight as well, and it was encouraging to see them love my classes. Furthermore, my kids received excellent instruction from the other moms who taught classes according to their abilities and passions (boy, am I glad we had some mathematicians, artists, and scientists among us!). I even had some alone time during class periods when I wasn’t teaching or assisting, where I usually tried to accomplish as much as I could with all of my kids fully occupied. Moms frequently organized field trips and guest speakers. The blessing of a co-op really was a blessing. We each did our part and we all benefited. Was it without sacrifice? Not at all. I had lost total flexibility as kids now had assignments, projects, and tests. They were usually great about working with us if we had a vacation (one of the great benefits of homeschooling is to vacation when the rest of the world does not). I now also had to prepare each week for teaching my classes. And lastly, while I really valued almost every curriculum used at this co-op, I didn’t get to choose curriculum myself and there were some resources I was longing to use. I learned a lot during this time, however, about picking and using curriculum, as well as teaching, which would prove beneficial for our next season. All in all, when the benefits heavily outweighed the sacrifices, it was time for us to join a co-op and I’m glad we did.

 

5. CHANGED CO-OPS: Over the course of the next four years, we were all increasingly feeling some angst about our lack of freedom and flexibility (one of our family’s top values). While there were a couple of other things playing into our decision, it really was this freedom we were all feeling we needed, so we switched to a totally different model, where we still are today. Some would call it a co-op, but it truly is a “tutorial.” I am not required to teach or be on-site for any part of the day. Instead, we pick and choose classes and pay per class. Now that I had a lot more confidence under my belt in teaching my older kids from what I learned at the previous co-op, I moved to a mindset of only outsourcing classes I did not want to or felt like I could not teach at home, so the kids only take a couple of classes outside the home. In addition, while our previous co-op was strictly academic, this one is open to various elective courses, which allows me to teach worship dance. So, it is a win for the kids and for me as well. The financial commitment is much, much more, but the flexibility we have is more valuable to me, and I get paid to teach. So, for what our current needs are for just a couple of kids taking just a few classes each, it makes this doable financially at this stage.

 

6. TRIMMED THE FAT: I am glad I finally gained the confidence to act on what I was observing in my kids. I decided to drop subjects entirely when I realized we didn’t need them. I’m not sure why, but my kids just get grammar and spelling. I felt a little hesitant at first, but I decided we just weren’t going to do grammar or spelling at all. Instead, I would “spot teach,” meaning, if we ran into something spelling or grammar-wise, I would then teach as needed. Otherwise, it really was just busy work for them and was stealing important time to teach and do other things. If something is not necessary or valuable, we probably aren’t doing it.

 

7. DIDN’T MAJOR IN EVERY SUBJECT: I’m glad I chose not to major in every subject. There are curricula and activities to teach any subject to the full extent and make them all a big deal, but there are not enough hours in the day to do so. This hit me one year when I was at a homeschool convention and I was captivated by an innovative math curriculum that capitalized on real-life experience and hands-on learning. There were all these bells and whistles to go with it. From what I could tell, you could spend half the day or more just teaching math if you wanted. And then I realized, you just can’t do this with everything. I had to be realistic with our time, how our family is wired academically, and prioritize what I would major in. At our house, I have chosen to minor in math, and we do a somewhat easy, self-grading math curriculum (I wasn’t keeping up with grading my kid’s Math U See work every day… Love the curriculum, but I couldn’t keep up, and it was proving to be a problem (pun intended)). In high school, when one of my kids showed interest in more intense math, we found a small group class that he could take, and he did great. I eventually also gained the confidence to rotate subjects if needed. We have done years when we took a break from history or science for part of or even a whole year in order to emphasize other learning, or we have done years of lighter in one subject and heavier in another and then swapped the next year.

 

8. WAS REALISTIC WITH MYSELF ABOUT THE HOURS IN A DAY: This concept is super important when I start planning for the next school year. I must prayerfully and realistically consider what we will likely have time to accomplish in a day, week, semester, and year. This has changed many times through different seasons (how many kids are at home, part time jobs for me, whether I am driving an older kid multiple times a week to a program/course they are enrolled in, etc.). Overplanning with unrealistic expectations and no allowance for margin sets one up for failure from the start. In twenty years, I have had very few (like, very few) normal school days that went as planned with no interruptions or fires to put out. I am glad I have generally been reasonable and realistic with what we actually will get done and have left ample (more than you think you will ever need) margin for the unknowns. Even so, there are many times we still get less done than I anticipated.

 

9. WASN’T MARRIED TO CURRICULUM: I tend to be a “loyal to a fault” kind of girl, but over the years I’ve grown in this area and our homeschool has benefited from this growth. If you’re an enneagram person, I am a six wing five, and I would say I heavily wing to five. I am a researcher at heart. So, I research the research out of curriculum. Usually, when I make a curriculum choice, it goes well, but there have been times when something I thought would work great just didn’t. I learned when to stick something out, versus when to pivot, whether it be mid-year or even week three of school. In recent years, I started one of our kids in an ancient history high school course because everyone says you need to know ancient history. From day one of him doing the course I felt conflicted. The same company produced a curriculum about entrepreneurship. Even though the experts say ancient history is a must, I knew that what this kid needed and wanted was to learn about entrepreneurship (and there are only so many hours in a day). I quickly made the switch, and neither one of us ever looked back. It was absolutely the better choice for him.

 

10. DIDN’T CHAIN MYSELF TO STANDARDS: Speaking of expert opinions and academic standards, I am glad I didn’t chain myself to them. I really thought through what I wanted my kids to learn, based on what I see is important in this world and based on how each kid is wired and gifted. Just because it is required in public school, is a state standard, or is mainstream in homeschooling doesn’t mean it’s what I believe is best for my kids to learn. Fortunately, homeschooling allows much freedom in this, especially in our state. In fact, if I had to do it all over again, I would choose to deviate from standards and the norm even more. Similarly, I have at times chosen to ignore grade levels on curriculum. One year in particular, there was a science book I wanted to teach to several of my kids at the same time, but my oldest was in eighth grade and the book is meant for younger kids. I opened it and imagined myself learning from the book as an adult. I reasoned that since I didn’t know a large amount of the information even as an adult, it was a suitable choice for an eighth grader. And it was. I have bent age guidelines many times over the years for various reasons and have no regrets. Again, I wish I had been less hesitant to make decisions like this.

 

11. EDUCATED MYSELF ON HOW TO TEACH WRITING: One area I found myself pretty lost when it came to teaching my kids was writing. While I consider myself an avid and sufficiently skilled writer, for some reason I struggled to teach it to my kids. Through different curricula I used, seminars at homeschool conventions, and my own research, I finally grasped the big picture of writing and the age-appropriate methods and goals in order to teach it to my kids. Since I wasn’t choosing to outsource this subject (I have at times), this changed everything for me when I understood writing education specifically. While this might seem like a given (well, duh, you have to know how to teach it), writing is a unique subject as there isn’t just a right or wrong answer and it is a process to learn. This was a hurdle in earlier years that I am glad I pursued overcoming. I realized I was teaching out of fear and expecting too much from my kids, because of what I didn’t know. Once I gained knowledge, not only did I teach better, but I was also able to relax since I understood the process as a whole.

 

12. WENT AT MY KIDS’ PACE: Especially when it comes to writing (and reading) I am glad I went at each kid’s pace… and didn’t freak out. I am not fazed by a kid doing “grade level” math, but by other standards being significantly below in writing or reading, for example. While challenging a kid is excellent, I have found that faithful incremental instruction will go significantly farther than a discouraged kid who feels “behind.” We keep plugging away where they are at and I don’t stress about it. I’ve had a kid reading the Chronicles of Narnia at age six, and a kid who took years longer to fully launch into reading. Both are intelligent, equipped, and doing just fine. Back to an example of writing, I had a kid who physically struggled with handwriting. Since I understood the writing process, I never hesitated to have this child dictate his writing to me until his handwriting or typing skills caught up to the speed at which he was “writing” in his head. It took a while (years), but he was finally able to complete the whole writing process independently. Similarly, I was working through a science curriculum with a kid and realized we were both struggling. I pulled out a curriculum on the same topic that is meant for younger kids, and we are absolutely enjoying science now. In fact, he’s making all kinds of connections to things he’s learned along the way and is curious about more. That is a win in my book. We could trudge ahead with the harder curriculum and memorize definitions and concepts, but I believe he would not be learning as much. Furthermore, losing the love of learning is even more detrimental than learning at a slower pace.

 

13. LET RESOURCES GUIDE MY CURRICULUM CHOICES: Somewhere along the way, (I believe through watching another friend homeschool, coupled with how a curriculum I used for a while was set up), I learned that instead of checking a box of a subject with a textbook, if I found a resource I loved (usually a non-textbook book), I would incorporate it somehow. If there’s a great book about building character that has important concepts I want my son to learn (such as Boyhood and Beyond, Created to Work (both by Bob Schultz) and The Men We Need by Brant Hansen), I will pick that book for the semester or year and read a chapter a week with my son. Another example is a book I found called History of Medicine. It’s just a fascinating book, and I usually choose it for an “off” year/break from our usual writing curriculum. They read a chapter a week and write about it. That year, they learn how to retell/summarize well and find out some fascinating things about the history of medicine. I had two kids not interested in this subject, but I had found a unique book called “The Story of Inventions,” so again, during one middle school year, those kids did the same thing for writing, but with this resource instead. A few years ago, I discovered World Watch, a ten-minute daily news program presented through a Christian worldview. It is now our favorite way to start the day. The list goes on of books and resources I’ve found that don’t necessarily check a box for a school subject, but I choose to incorporate it into our school day or week.

 

14. INCORPORATED MINISTRY INTO THE SCHOOL DAY: This is a big one. Looking back, I wish I had done so much more of this, but early on and also during our co-op days, I wrestled with the idea of letting go of consistency with academics. I would major in this if I could do it all over again. When the kids were younger, one of their days of writing instruction consisted of writing cards or letters to people. Other times, we baked cookies for someone I was taking a meal to or took a flower and handwritten note to the widows in our neighborhood for Valentine’s Day. Last year, my daughter-in-law had surgery, and my daughter wanted to stay with her for three days to help her. She took her school with her and cared for her sister-in-law, fitting school in when possible. Sometimes on Wednesday afternoons, one of the kids would play dominoes or cards with our dear elderly neighbor who lived next door. I really wish we would have consistently taken one afternoon a week for ministry, especially when the kids were younger.

15. PRIORITIZED READING AND READING ALOUD When my kids were young, our house would “shut down” for two hours in the afternoon in order for me to rest and get a few things done, and for my younger kids to be able to nap. During this season, each kid was either napping or reading, or a little of both. This turned my oldest four kids into avid readers. Also, during this time, we lived pretty far away from almost everything. So, car time became book time as well. They always knew to grab a book if we were getting in the car (one of the benefits before cell phones entered the scene, and a benefit to delaying giving kids a cell phone nowadays). Other times, we would listen to audiobooks, and we especially did this on trips and vacations. After lunch, I would read a book to the kids and most nights of the week my husband would read to them before they went to bed. During special times like advent or Easter, our nighttime reading became centered around these seasons that are important to us. The benefits of practicing and encouraging reading are numerous. First, it bonded our family and still does. We were hearing the same stories and when the kids read a book they loved and I assign it to a younger kid years later, they relate their favorite parts to each other, or simply remark, “Oh I loved that book.” A byproduct I did not foresee was the blessing that reading to my kids when they were young became a placeholder as they got older. Since reading is so normal in our home, if I find a book about a topic I believe is important, they don’t think it is odd when I want to read it to them during our school week, even as teenagers. Similarly, we can read a book at nighttime to them and put a story or information in front of them, because we read. As our kids have grown into adulthood, it is easy to recommend books and I hear them recommending books to each other as well.

 

16. DON’T BEAT MYSELF UP: I don’t beat myself up over things that I tried that didn’t go well, or over things that I didn’t do with all of my kids. Seasons and dynamics change. Some things my older kids got to do, I haven’t done with the younger ones and vice versa. Or, when I discover a kid isn’t understanding a concept, I resist the urge to let this reflect on me personally as their teacher and instead work at it or wait it out (some things come easier or entirely without trying after simply letting time go by). I also don’t beat myself up when I realize we totally missed something. I expect there are things we will miss and when one pops up, it is an indicator to go back and address it. It’s not a big deal. Another thing I don’t let bother me is when we aren’t able to finish a curriculum by the end of the school year (other than math). I can choose to pick it back up the next fall, or I can acknowledge we used it for the days needed that year and move on to something else the next year. All of these things used to trouble me, but looking back, I really wish they hadn’t.

 

17. KEPT SOME OLDIES BUT GOODIES- I have some curriculum choices that have worked well over the years and have stuck to them, which has allowed me to stop researching and shopping around for every subject for every kid. There might be something better out there, but for certain things I am not sure it is worth my time, energy, or money to always keep looking. It also breeds connection among my kids to keep some things consistent. They’ll see something laying out and say, “Oh wow, I remember doing that! So cool that the younger kids are doing that now.”  I’m glad I’ve kept a good balance of keeping curriculum and methods we utilize, but also have lots of room for change and trying new things.

 

18. ENCOURAGED LITTLE TO NO SCHOOLWORK IN THE EVENINGS OR ON WEEKENDS: Because of the priorities we have as a family, it led us to make certain choices when it comes to education, and one of those was to be able to do almost all schoolwork within the school day. We don’t ban schoolwork at night or on the weekends, but in general, it is rarely necessary. Nights and weekends are for family, friends, serving at church, etc. We do our school work as time allows during the day and then put it away until the next school day.

 

19. PRIORITIZED RELATIONSHIPS OVER FORMAL EDUCATION: I believe this has always been a priority of mine, but this has evolved and grown over the years. Nine times out of ten, if an opportunity arises with a valuable relationship to one of my kids (sibling, parent, grandparent, mentor, etc.), I will choose this over my kid staying at home plugging away at “book learning.” The truth is, with most opportunities I said yes to in this category, learning was taking place anyway… just not out of a book. There was a season where my middle school aged daughter baked eighty loaves of bread for a farmer’s market business every Wednesday with her older sister. I expected the time to be relationally valuable, but I later found out that while they were baking together, they were listening to meaningful books and talking about them. My younger daughter learned useful skills and had one-on-one time and beneficial conversations with her older sister (who had lived out of state the last four years and was getting married that fall). When my husband has an opportunity at work for a kid to help him during the day, the answer is always “YES!” Again, our son or daughter is learning by working and has time with their dad. When Grandpa was next door fixing the neighbor’s plumbing, my answer was “GO!” When an older brother was changing a bearing on his car and offered for a younger brother to help and watch—"ABSOLUTELY!” Your brother is building a computer and offered for you to help? “YES, PLEASE!” Like I said, I have grown in this area, and looking back, I wish I had had more confidence to say yes to these kinds of opportunities, no matter how much school at home was missed. I definitely used to say no at times or I would say yes but would feel conflicted about the child missing school at home. Not anymore, which brings me to my next point.

 

20. VIEWED LEARNING AS SO MUCH MORE THAN TEXTBOOKS, NOTES, AND TESTS: This last one probably best summarizes my most profound observation over the last two decades, and one I wish I had lived by more radically from the beginning. Our family, by nature, is full of lifelong learners. We are curious. And it’s not because we’ve had our nose stuck in textbooks. I really think it is the opposite. During “school hours” we have had multiple kids volunteer at a local living history museum called Conner Prairie. We had a season where a high school kid was programming lights at church and would do this once a week during the day. I had a daughter who babysat a little boy down the street a couple of hours a day a couple of days a week. My son works for a florist in our neighborhood one afternoon a week. She’s even taught him some basic botany and genetic concepts along the way. We’ve gone on bird and nature hikes with a former teacher of mine. We’ve sorted shoes for a local charity. We’ve decorated the kids wing at church for Easter and Christmas. There are more examples I could list. If I were to be bluntly honest, I would conclude that I believe most academic learning is there to fill in the spaces where we don’t have more compelling real-life opportunities in front of us. Opportunities to learn are all around us and come in a plethora of forms and I would encourage my younger self to pursue as many of them I could, given whatever time and energy I had at each season and to not worry about missed book learning at home.

 

Over the course of twenty years, perhaps the advice I received most frequently from older homeschooling moms was, “Relax.” Of course, I struggled to really believe them and to do what they advised. And here I am telling younger moms, “Relax.” I believe homeschooling is far more about the relationship with your kids than it is the academics. I believe it (and so many other things) is more about the journey than the destination. The process is far more important than the product. I have observed time and time again that a healthy culture and paying close attention to how we do something turns out far better all the way around (and oftentimes the goal is achieved or surpassed anyway). What good is an accomplishment if it was gained by damaging your relationship with your child? If we demoralize them, discourage them, or demand something so that fear is what leads them to perform, what good is the “successful” result?  Grades, tests, and projects will come and go, but relationships, a love for learning, and curiosity will stand the test of time and positively impact generations to come. So, relax. Truly enjoy your kids. Most of all, honor God each step of the way as you educate your kids and trust that He will bring results that are just right.